I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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