maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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