he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
