Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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