Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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