I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
