Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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