and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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