Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
