Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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