You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize