this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
