Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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