I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
