We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
