He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
