She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize