im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
