her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
