I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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