I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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