just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
