so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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