??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
