i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
