His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
