Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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