My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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