if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just pee around me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
