i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
