You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
