I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
