If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
