I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
