I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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