i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
