If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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