I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is the high leading the old right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
