OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
