Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
