I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize