I want to walk on stilts...naked
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
