found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
