omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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