the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize