hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
