About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
