The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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