Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
