My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
