i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
