hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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