apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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