I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
