I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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