He kissed a someone with a penis
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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