I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
