you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
