I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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