My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
