Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
