You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
