guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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