Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
