just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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