I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
