U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
