She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
