I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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