Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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