he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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