Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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