beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
